The "F" Word

I've finally had enough. Enough of being fat. Yes, I said it. The dreaded "F" word. I would rather refer to myself as "Chubee" or "Thick", but in all reality it isn't true. I'm a total fat ass and I know it. I also know what I need to do in order to change my current state of fatness. But saying it and doing it are two totally different things. The last year of my life was the worst year I have ever had. I'm not going to tell you my life story because then this little blog would turn into a novel. But let me just say that I haven't always had the best luck in the world. I lost my Dad a few years ago to Cancer, then my grandpa to a Brain Aneurysm, then last year my Mother got sick and succombed to a rare disease that seem to hit her out of nowhere. I had just moved out of state to Florida with my husband when Mom got ill. It had always been our dream to live near the ocean and finally a wonderful opportunity with his job allowed us to relocate. We were living out our dream and having the time of our lives. Then she became really ill, really fast. And we lost her just a few days after her diagnosis. Then just when things seemed to be getting a little back to normal, our best friend was shot in a horrible accident that nearly killed him. He and his wife are our Best Friends and we knew that we had to do whatever we could to help them. So we came back to Georgia so that we could stay with her kids while she remained at the hospital at his bedside, He was in the hospital for 10 months. But now he is finally back home with us. During those months and months of roller coaster up and downs with his condition, we all ate. And Ate, And Ate. It seems like everyone was always bringing over something good to eat. Don't get me wrong though, I was overweight way before all of this happened. I just think it pushed me to the point of WAY out of control. I love to eat. And I love to eat bad food. I could probably live off french fries and pizza. No actually, I know I could. And it doesn't help matters when your husband is fit and not overweight at all. (Not to mention tall and handsome.) So he can eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants and hardly gains a pound! UGH that makes me so mad. Damn Men and their awesome metabolisms! He is a total sweetheart though and has never once even told me I needed to lose some weight. Or that I could "stand to lose a few pounds" as some of my friends husbands tell them. He always tells me that I am beautiful just the way I am. AWWW. Not AWWW! I appreciate the fact that he is so sweet and kind. But once, just once, I wish he would call me fat ass. I think that if I ever heard those words come out of his mouth to me, it would totally crush me. But in a good way. A motivating way. Because I value his opinion more than anyone elses. But he won't ever say it. And I know he won't. But I need to lose weight for ME. So that I can feel alive and beautiful and confident for once in my life. I've always been the "funny fat girl" who hides behind the jokes and pranks. The girl who doesn't mind being a wallflower at parties because I am always too worried about how fat I might look in pictures that will probably end up on Facebook. I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT GIRL ANYMORE!!!! I want to be in pics on Facebook. I want to dance at parties and when we go out without being totally self concious. And dammit, I'm going to do it. I'm going to start blogging here everyday in my "Chubee Chick Diary" so that hopefully it can bring me some much needed inspiration. Please pray for my strength and share your own stories with me. Feel free to comment or email me anything. For now I am done. Ready to go eat...... JK! :)