Skinny Girl Stores

I went to the mall today with some friends after church. Everyone except me wanted to eat lunch there. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to find anything even remotely healthy to eat. And I really didn't want to go into a big explanation about my new eating habits and about how I am trying to totally avoid fast food of any type. But I really lucked up and found this new little place that sells all types of delicious healthy foods. They make fresh wraps with meat, veggies and sprouts, all types of soups and salads, and had a wonderful assortment of fresh fruit. So I decided on a Turkey wrap with a mixed fruit cup on the side and a bottle of water. I will admit though, that my friends Huge Calzone with Marinara on the side was calling out to me. I could have seriously tore that thing up! LOL. But my lunch did it's job. I only ate about half the wrap and fruit and was full. So I actually threw some of it away. I'm usually a "Clean My Plate" kind of girl. But I was happy, full and felt satisfied so I was able to stop eating when I should have.  After lunch we all strolled the mall and went in and out of various stores. I walked into a "Skinny Girl Store" with my friend that sells womens clothing up to a size 12. And as soon as I was passed the door way a sales clerk came up and asked me if she could help me with anything. I told her "No thank You, I'm only looking". The usual standard reply. And she said "Oh... Okay" and kind of smirked and laughed a bit as he walked away. I felt like she wanted to tell me that I was in the wrong store. Thank God she didn't though or I might have snapped. And I could have seriously broken her tiny little size zero body in half over my knee. I pictured Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman when she was in that expensive boutique and the sales clerk just assumed she couldn't afford anything. Then she got some money from Richard Gere she went back to rub it in her face. Well if I ever do get down to a size 12 or less, I WILL go back.....But I won't buy a thing from that silly skinny girl. :()

Wonderfully Made....

I was reading earlier today and came across this scripture. It has really stuck  with me so I thought I'd share....

I (Will) praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. ~PSALM 139.14

I was just thinking about how everyone is different and how God made each of us different for a reason. So even though I am a "Chubee Chick" and not happy with my body at the moment, I am just going to embrace who I am. This doesn't mean that I'm going to quit all my new healthy habits or give up on the changes that I'm still in the process of making. It just means that I am going to quit being so hard on myself each and every day. Life is a gift whether your big or small, short or tall, Rich or poor. So I am going to focus on making each day count. And quit trying to think of how great my life will be once I lose the weight. I am wonderfully made right now as I am..... :)

Each Day Is A Struggle...

I've really been struggling over the past few days. I keep having these  headaches on and off again and I haven't been sleeping that much. So with the lack of sleep it's been really hard to focus during the day and muster up the energy to excersize. I have still been eating right and watching my calories and carbs. But excersize has totally taken a backseat lately. And the funny thing is that when I do get in my excersize I always feel great afterwards. But while I'm doing it, all I think about the whole time is how much I hate it!!! So what's my problem? I know that the pain I'm in while doing it will pass and then afterwards I will have that "boost" of adrenaline that makes me feel awesome. So then why do I struggle and still not want to do it everyday??? Does anyone else feel like this? I feel like I need a swift kick in my butt everyday to get me started. I set an alarm on my Blackberry today and when it goes off it's time to excersize. No excuses. I think I'm going to have to "schedule" a half hour each morning and set my reminder alarm and then a half hour at night too. Then I can't lie to myself and say I forgot or I didn't have time. The plain ugly truth is that every day is a struggle. I don't really think it's going to neccessarily get any easier. But I do hope that with time and more weight loss that I won't dread it so darn much!!!!

P.S. ~I lost a few more pounds so I am up to a total of 10 pounds lost!
Yay me! (Now I only need to loose like a hundred more and I'll be great! LOL)
:)

Subway Rules!!!!

Sorry I haven't updated much in the past few days but my friend Zach got put back in the hospital. He was running a high fever and coughing alot so we had him brought in because of all his other health conditions. They are going to keep him another day or so then he should get to go back home as long as he doesn't run any more fevers. (He's the one who was shot last year). But anyways....
I had Subway for lunch today and it was delicious!!! EAT FRESH! I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything when I eat at Subway. What I mean is that their lower calorie sandwiches are just as good as the others. Thanks goodness I love all the veggies on mine which really makes it filling. I think that's going to be my new spot. I must admit though, I did get a cookie! But I wanted to somewhat "reward" myself for all the hard work I have done over the past few weeks. I'm holding steady at a loss of just 8 pounds. But I haven't weighed myself in over a week either. So hopefully I have lost a few more pounds and not gained any. When I went to visit my friend at the hospital earlier I went on a walk around the hospital just to get some walking in today. Then I think tonight I'm going to go on a bike ride if it's not too cold. That's my new favorite excersize! I had not been on a bike in over 15 years and then about a week or so ago I just got this urge to try it out. So I borrowed my friends bike and took off. There is a church across the street from where I live so I decided to try it out there in the parking lot first. I rode slowly for awhile as I learned to ride again and then decided to pick up my pace a little, so I got brave and went out on the street. This was about 9:00 at night so there were'nt many cars out or anything. But I got up to a pretty fast speed and then realized as I was  going down a hill that this bike didn't have brakes! OMG I just knew I was going to crash. I was praying outloud, "Oh please God No, Oh please God No".  I made it down the hill safely and up the next so that my speed tapered off and I was able to stop with my feet. WHEW that was close. At least my fatness would have cushioned my fall if I had fell. LOL. But after I stopped that night I decied to walk the bike back to my house. I have since found a route that is completely flat so I should be okay. And that's where I'm planning on ridng tonight. Wish me luck! )

I'm gonna find a way to sneak a Cookie

I have to admit that I am absolutely addicted to that new MTV show called "I used to be fat". It's about a bunch of different kids who want to drop their weight and get healthy before they start college. They are each given a personal trainer who totally kicks their butts and they must adhere to a strict diet under their supervision. I know getting yelled at and bossed around by some perfectly fit ex-marine cannot be fun. But I honestly think that having a person to constantly push you to your limits gives you a huge advantage over trying to do it by yourself. The only people I have rooting for me is my sister Christie who is also trying to get healthy, my hubby and my friend Tanya. Not that their not wonderful but their not with me every minute of every day. And let me tell you, I'm like a 2 year old that needs constant supervision. Because if I want to sneak a cookie, I'm going to find a way to do it without anyone noticing me. So there are alot of obstacles in my path each and everyday. But I am gonna keep on trying and never give up. :)

BIG GIRL POWER!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

Chubby Wubby

I'm still a little "under the weather" today. Now with the classic stuffy nose and sore throat. So I decided rather than watching more movies on Lifetime about steamy affairs and love triangles to concentrate on some good old fashioned reading. I have several new books in line to be read but I decided to pick up an old fave from a few years ago and re-read it. It's called "Good In Bed" by Jennifer Weiner. If you have read it then you probably know why I love it. If you haven't then you have got to read it! It's about a chubby girl who's ex gets a great job at a magazine and decides to write an article about his relationship with her. He wrote that "Loving a larger Woman takes an act of courage in today's world". Then he goes on to say that he "Would never forget the day he found out that his girlfriend weighed more than him". Poor chubby girl. As if it isn't hard enough being a "Big Girl" in today's skinny world, she had to have it shoved in her face in a major published magazine story. I know this is just a fiction character in a fiction novel. But I could really relate to this story and the overwhelming feeling of embarassment and self hate she felt. Being the fattie living with all the skinnies. Anyways it's a really good story with alot of heartfelt emotion and struggles. You should check it out....
On the plus side of being sick, you don't feel like eating. LOL. So I haven't blown my diet yet (Sorry to inform you haters). But I also know that not eating at all is not a good thing in itself. I did manage to eat a little soup earlier but my throat feels like it's lined with Razor Blades. So I felt like that was better than nothing. I am going to try to make myself get up later and do a little cardio. I'm hoping that it might actually make me feel better. But No worries today of me cheating and grabbing any french fries. They would probably taste like cardboard anyway.... :)

2011 Prayer

Dear God:

For 2011, all I ask for is a big fat bank account and a slim body. Please do not mix up the two like you did last year.

Amen

BLAH....

Today I've had the worst Sinus headache ever. All I have done is lay around and watch movies all day. I'm currently watching Titanic. Which I have probably seen at least a half dozen times. But it's one of those movies that whenever it's on I can't seem to switch the channel. I did venture out of the house earlier though on a quick run to CVS in search of something to make this headache go away. I bought some Sudafed Sinus headache and thought that would work but it's not helping at all. :( And since I have been in this state of total couch vegetation today, all I have wanted to do is eat. (Suprise, Suprise). I've been good though, suprisingly. I even passed up a whole buggy full of Christmas candy earlier at Cvs that was like 90% off. I had my normal Oatmeal for breakfast, no mid morning snack because I didn't feel like getting up to get one. Then I had some Healthy Request Tomatoe and Rice soup for lunch. I really, really wanted to make a grilled cheese to go with it. But I didn't. I probably would have if I was feeling better. But at least I fought off the urge. I'm feeling super guilty about not doing any excersize today. But I just can't handle it today. I feel like my head is being squezzed by some giant vice grips and it's about to explode any minute. But hopefully tomorrow I will be feeling better and can just double up on my excersizes. Sorry to be so BLAH today but that's how I'm feeling. Til tomorrow folks.....

I even eat when I Sleep!

I dreamt of McDonalds French Fries and Coca Cola last night. Two of my favorite things. How sad is that.... But once I woke up and realized I was dreaming about my obsession with food, it just gave me that much more determination! So I started my day off with a bowl of oatmeal and a big glass of water. I'd rather be eating a bagel overflowing with cream cheese but I know that's not a wise choice for me. That's how I got here in the first place right? After breakfast I did a mini workout consisting of 10 crunches, 40 leg lifts, and and 20 squats. Now I realize this is nothing to someone who excersizes regularly. But for me, this is huge! Instead of feeling worn out and grumpy like I figured I would, I felt great! I felt really "awake" and alive and I was so proud of myself. I even called my hubby at work to tell him about it.
I worked from home for a few hours then I had to get ready for an appointment with a friend. She is getting married next year and I'm going to be one of her bridesmaids. Her color choice for the bridesmaids dresses is a Candy Apple Red. I hate red on me but hey, it's her wedding so I just have to deal with it. But I fear that if I don't loose enough weight by the wedding that when I go to walk down the eisle, someone is gonna yell "KOOLAID".... Remember the old kool aid commercial where the huge Red Kool Aid Man comes busting thru a wall? Well that's gonna be me if I don't get in gear. I watched all these beautiful girls trying on their size 6 or 8 dresses in awe. I want to be like that. There was one girl in particular that had me mesmerized. She walked in wearing black yoga pants with knee high UGG boots and an oversized black sweater on. She was tall, blond with carmel highlights and had an amazing figure. She took off her sweater and handed it to her Mother so she could go start trying on dresses and I almost fell off my chair. She had on grey T shirt that exposed her midriff. Her stomach was flat as a pan cake! WOW! She was absolutely stunning. And then when she came out in her first gown I got all teary eyed. Not because she was going to be such a beautiful bride or because her dress was so pretty, but because I realized that if I want it bad enough and work my butt of to do it, that I COULD be like her. But it's gonna be hell on earth getting there. I know what I have to do and what I need to do. But for now I just need to stay focused and stop dreaming about French Fries......

A Totally Cute Freebie From Lean Cuisine!

Lean Cuisine is offering these incredibly cute lunch bags by mail! Just enter 20 entrée codes into their website (LeanCuisine.com) by 3/31/2011 and you can choose one of four styles. I think I may go with "The Jessica". But their all really cute...

The "F" Word

I've finally had enough. Enough of being fat. Yes, I said it. The dreaded "F" word. I would rather refer to myself as "Chubee" or "Thick", but in all reality it isn't true. I'm a total fat ass and I know it. I also know what I need to do in order to change my current state of fatness. But saying it and doing it are two totally different things. The last year of my life was the worst year I have ever had. I'm not going to tell you my life story because then this little blog would turn into a novel. But let me just say that I haven't always had the best luck in the world. I lost my Dad a few years ago to Cancer, then my grandpa to a Brain Aneurysm, then last year my Mother got sick and succombed to a rare disease that seem to hit her out of nowhere. I had just moved out of state to Florida with my husband when Mom got ill. It had always been our dream to live near the ocean and finally a wonderful opportunity with his job allowed us to relocate. We were living out our dream and having the time of our lives. Then she became really ill, really fast. And we lost her just a few days after her diagnosis. Then just when things seemed to be getting a little back to normal, our best friend was shot in a horrible accident that nearly killed him. He and his wife are our Best Friends and we knew that we had to do whatever we could to help them. So we came back to Georgia so that we could stay with her kids while she remained at the hospital at his bedside, He was in the hospital for 10 months. But now he is finally back home with us. During those months and months of roller coaster up and downs with his condition, we all ate. And Ate, And Ate. It seems like everyone was always bringing over something good to eat. Don't get me wrong though, I was overweight way before all of this happened. I just think it pushed me to the point of WAY out of control. I love to eat. And I love to eat bad food. I could probably live off french fries and pizza. No actually, I know I could. And it doesn't help matters when your husband is fit and not overweight at all. (Not to mention tall and handsome.) So he can eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants and hardly gains a pound! UGH that makes me so mad. Damn Men and their awesome metabolisms! He is a total sweetheart though and has never once even told me I needed to lose some weight. Or that I could "stand to lose a few pounds" as some of my friends husbands tell them. He always tells me that I am beautiful just the way I am. AWWW. Not AWWW! I appreciate the fact that he is so sweet and kind. But once, just once, I wish he would call me fat ass. I think that if I ever heard those words come out of his mouth to me, it would totally crush me. But in a good way. A motivating way. Because I value his opinion more than anyone elses. But he won't ever say it. And I know he won't. But I need to lose weight for ME. So that I can feel alive and beautiful and confident for once in my life. I've always been the "funny fat girl" who hides behind the jokes and pranks. The girl who doesn't mind being a wallflower at parties because I am always too worried about how fat I might look in pictures that will probably end up on Facebook. I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT GIRL ANYMORE!!!! I want to be in pics on Facebook. I want to dance at parties and when we go out without being totally self concious. And dammit, I'm going to do it. I'm going to start blogging here everyday in my "Chubee Chick Diary" so that hopefully it can bring me some much needed inspiration. Please pray for my strength and share your own stories with me. Feel free to comment or email me anything. For now I am done. Ready to go eat...... JK! :)